Monday, August 9, 2010

Fell backwards..

Ideas.. I have plenty. I actually filled an entire paper with ideas. I want to sit down by my workspace and make them real, those pretty little ideas I have that seem so great. They are just waiting there on that piece of paper and I want to do it all.

I have the proper tools, the supplies. Papers, pens, camera, paint, fabrics, yarn, needle, thread, sewing machine and books filled with inspiration and wonderful things to set my mind racing in a million directions and I want to just get it all out. I even have all the time in the world to spend on this right now.

But today I fell backwards, literally while sitting on the floor to cut some fabric I planned to make something beautiful out of. Lying there on my back on the wooden floor of my kitchen I just gave up, like so many times before. Too tired, too lazy, too many negative thoughts blocking out the fun in everything. My idea for today ended up in a dusty corner where it will probably stay until I decide to clean up the mess one day. It's sad, I am sad.. I'm not surprised though, this happens a lot, almost every day I go through this not so dramatic but oh so horrible scenario..

It might not be fun to read about, but I have this blog to share things I feel I need to get out of my system, not to show myself as some perfect creative being that always succeeds, because that is far far from the truth. The name, 'bittersweet' I picked just because of this reason. My moods shift so fast and even though I wish I could live on the sweet side of life all the time, that is not what reality looks like. Sometimes life is bitter, but I know it will turn around to be sweet again soon, after all, it's all on the inside of my head and before I know it I'll sit there with a warm cup of wild strawberry tea with milk and honey and be somewhat happy again.. I think I'll make myself a cup right now and see if it helps. :)

Thank you for putting up with my bitter lemons as well as my sweet tea.. *hugs*