Sunday, May 8, 2011

Too much on my mind

Everything seems to happen all at once right now, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to focus or sort out my priorities. All I want to do is sit down calmly and draw, paint, write or anything relaxing and creative, but the fact is that I have a long and gruesome list of tasks to go through before I gain that freedom.

I have one week to fix a whole bunch of stuff, including packing for my move to Malmö and finishing my education. After that I'll have one weeks vacation, guarding the old cats of my in-laws out in the countryside, which will be a welcome time for relaxing, but is very badly planned considering everything else going on.

Perhaps I need to visualize what my life will look like once all these things are dealt with. Once I'm down there in a new city with new things to explore. The start of my career and hopefully the start of a more social and active me that doesn't spend all days locked up in an apartment. I want to see things, meet new people and overcome my fears, my shyness and my pessimistic side that keeps telling me that everything will end in complete chaos and ruin.

Today I went through all my deadlines and wrote the dates up in my calendar that I almost never use. It's turquoise and pretty and should be useful for something other than lying underneath my teacup. That's also something I'd like to change. More organization. Once I get my own apartment down there in the south of Sweden, I'm gonna set up a real work space with a calendar, a proper list where I can write down all commissions and deadlines, and of course I'm gonna have real storage for all my art supplies so that they don't have to be thrown all around my kitchen.

Wishful thinking, but I need this vivid, hopeful imagination right now as I enter a new week, the final week of stress, pressure and pure panic.