Now I feel like I'm whining, things are still nice, it's still a weekend evening and we´re making salmon pasta and after that we'll play some game, watch TV or read a book together on the couch and that is pretty darn neat!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I love the weekends, most people seem to share that love with me. I do however feel that sundays are the days where I feel the most down for some reason. I think it's because I know that monday is coming and I'll be alone at home again without J. I love to spend time with him just playing games, drinking tea and eating tiny pancakes, but tomorrow he'll be working and I will be running back and forth to places while feeling heart broken because I know Chessy doesn't like being alone.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Pink and sweet weekend! I fell deeply in love with the rad typewriter from Lemon Shack and gosh would I buy that in an instant if I had the money for it. It's amazing! It doesn't even look real, it's like a cute little toy, but it's a working neat little typewriter and I'd love to write some love letters on that one.
I also fell in love with the jewerly box from By the Wayside. That color just makes me happy. I don't use jewelry much, but I have plenty of bracelets and stuff that could use a proper box for storage.
And finally, dear goodness do I want some of those Cherry Marchmallows rightnow or what?! It's saturday, the day for candy (a tradition since I was a kid) and things cherry-flavored is somewhat of a favorite for me. They don't have much cherry-flavored candy where I live though, I don't think many swedes are into it for some reason.. Odd!
Have a nice weekend!
Friday, January 28, 2011
I know I said I didn't really have time to paint but uhm.. I made time! A very wise woman once told me that there is no such thing as "I don't have the time" because you are the ruler of your own time. If you want time to do something, just claim it! So today I did..
I finished my first acrylic painting. It's painted on a canvas board and it was a very interesting progress since I had no idea what I was doing half the time! I still haven't gotten around to buy myself some canvas-primer, but once I do I think I'll make more paintings because I really love using a real brush and real paint to switch things up from all the digital work I do. If you guys happen to like this I might put it up in my shop. We'll see what happens!
I'm drinking a huge cup of Earl Gray, listening to calm inspirational music. It's my favorite way to spend my morning (although the flavor of the tea changes).
For some reason I woke up feeling like crap yesterday, but today is a new day and it feels much better. The reason for my ups and downs right now are probably due to school since I am working on my final thesis to graduate from University. I don't doubt I'll make it, I love these things really. Lots of reading and writing, but it feels so huge and big in a way so it scares me a bit to get started for real. Today however I feel that I will be brave enough to get some real writing done.
In the meantime drawing and photography are sadly falling a bit behind in my list of priorities. I have a big watercolor painting I'm working on, and I am working on finding a good place to get my artwork printed for the shop. Oh, now me tea got cold, darn..
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I'm not very good at taking care of myself when I loose some energy. First thing that goes is food. I just don't have the energy to make it, and then I get no new energy. Things pile up around me and scare me. I've built a fort of pillows and blankets on my couch and I am hiding in here with my dog, wishing I could dare to put my nose out there to take care of homework, dishes, cleaning and other stuff..
I woke up feeling miserable today, so I made some tea and watched Spirited Away until I fell asleep. I have stuff to write, I should read my school books. I should draw something, clean things, put all the dirty socks in the laundry-bin. But y'know, today just ain't one of those days..
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Last night I dreamed that I was dreaming of you
And from a window across the lawn I watched you undress
Wearing your sunset of purple tightly woven around your hair
That rose in strangled ebony curls
Moving in a yellow bedroom light
The air is wet with sound
The faraway yelping of a wounded dog
And the ground is drinking a slow faucet leak
Your house is so soft and fading as it soaks the black summer heat
A light goes on and the door opens
And a yellow cat runs out on the stream of hall light and into the yard
A wooden cherry scent is faintly breathing the air
I hear your champagne laugh
You wear two lavender orchids
One in your hair and one on your hip
A string of yellow carnival lights comes on with the dusk
Circling the lake with a slowly dipping halo
And I hear a banjo tango
And you dance into the shadow of a black poplar tree
And I watched you as you disappeared
I watched you as you disappeared
Watch her Dissapear - Tom Waits
To go with the theme of yesterdays weird dreaming.. Just a quick post before I head off to school.
Posted by enmi at 8:55 AM
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tonight I dreamed I was a russian street-kid that stole a bike and ended up in a brutal fist-fight with Morgan Freeman and Tom Waits..
I just felt like I had to share that, because seriously, what the-? I won the fist-fight by the way and won Mr. Waits praise afterwards while I stood there with bruised knees and blood running from my face. I wish I could paint that dream-landscape. It was like a post-apocalyptic junk-yard mixed with the most beautiful autumn forest ever.
Do you remember your dreams? Are they weird, scary or nice? Mine are generally bittersweet, huh-huh-huh.. Sorry I'm obviously in a weird mood today.
The pic by the way is a part of an initial sketch of something I'm working on.
Monday, January 24, 2011
I haven't taken many photos lately and I miss it. There has just been other things on my mind I guess. But I started to dig in my folders of photos I've never shown, that I didn't like at first, and I found these.
I took them in November, the winter had just come and I was in search for a dog. For a few days I stayed at J's parents house and I love it there. It's so serene and calm. Just a house in a forest..
That day mist had gathered on the glass of the windows and everything was grey and silent. It felt magical in a way, like if there was a closet leading into Narnia, that day would have been the day to find it and escape into a fairy tale..
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunshine, lemons, sweet vanilla and the color of honey, I know my friend L loves yellow and so do I! This weekends wishes are all about this happy color. I first fell in love with the beautiful photography of the Vanilla Truffies Tookie sells! Gosh, who can't be tempted by that I wonder? Then I found this really beautiul print of vintage spoons that reminded me of a lazy summer day a few years back when I ate a delicious lemon-curd pie I made myself, true! I'm not bragging here, it was just so tasty! And finally I once again ache with longing for warmer weather when I see these super cute yellow shoes. I just want to slip them on and go for nice strolls in parks..
Friday, January 21, 2011
I started this blog during a period in my life when I was completely lost and broken. That sounds very dramatic, but it was really one of the hardest things I've gone through. Everything in my life was perfect. Spring was coming, I had my husband, my friends, school went well, I got praise and kind words from everyone but I was so deep into my own depression and anxiety that I couldn't feel anything other than worry and fear.
I don't think enough people speak about this in an honest way, perhaps in fear of being judged and sure, I'm scared too. Mental health issues are regarded as something shameful still, even in our modern society. I don't want to be a part of hiding these things under the rug.
But I remembered just some days ago, my art journal! I haven't created anything in there since this summer and I started to think why. I think it's because this journal was something I desperatly needed why I felt that bad. I needed to regain my creativity because I hadn't been able to draw or create with happiness for months, maybe even years because of my anxiety and the preassure I put upon myself to be great. This journal had no such preassure. I just cut and pasted beautiful images from magazines, doodled and wrote my thoughts. It was my colorful distraction when I felt so bad I couldn't do anything other than cry.
Here I go again with one of those brutally honest posts about my personal life. Sometimes I just feel like sharing you know? I have felt much better for a long time now. I am no longer depressed but I know it will probably always be a part of my life. These things come and go. Right now I feel free and satisfied and now and then I feel pure happiness too.
Thank you for reading this blog. It has been a huge help for me to regain my creative strenght. Don't let preassure and self-doubt rule your life now, okay?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Colors! In the midst of the scandinavian gray January I feel like looking at an explosion of happy colors.
I was watching a really interesting show on TV last night about how the big companies actually have a cartel where they decide which colors will be trendy three years from now. I had nightmares about it tonight where everything was this nasty shade of lavender which made me freak out since it's my least favorite color of all..
I don't like the idea of color-trends being decided by some selected group of people and I hate walking into a clothing-store and everything on the racks are the same colors and it's even more horrible to walk down a street where everyone looks the same. Creepy I tell you!
So with this little rant I just want to say: Stick to your own colors!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
..without a proper internet-connection!
Okay, I can't be angry at a dog who just went through serious surgery, but I'm bitter today. Bitter because this dog who we just paid 20.000 swedish kr to save just cost us some more by choosing to barf right into our modem, causing it to instantly die and we loost our internet again. I just bought a new one after the last one broke and these things aren't cheap.
So while I'm waiting for the new modem to arrive I am once again living off of the scraps of my neighbors network and I am once again sorry for this.
Poor Chessy has no idea why I'm so bitter today. I have to start producing stuff to earn some money soon or if this keeps up we'll be living on the street in no time. *dramatic sigh*
Monday, January 17, 2011
A belayed list of weekend wishes since my weekend was such a mess with sick dog and everything. Now she's back to snoozing by my side and I can calm down and relax again.
I'm obsessed with deer! I collect them, I think I've mentioned it before. But I'm kind of picky and my collection is still very small. Two of my pretty fawn-figures I've gotten as surprise gifts from G and I love them! I still have to photograph the latest one she gave me.
These items make me smile and all these shops are really worth checking out for more cute stuff!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The vet called today and Chessy's surgery went as planned without any complications. She's on medication for the pain and she's sleeping safely at the hospital. I get to pick her up again tomorrow afternoon. I'm so relieved and happy and calm now that I know I'll see her again, hug her and kiss her little grumpy face! She won't ever have puppies now, but I don't care as long as she's safe.. Happy!
Friday, January 14, 2011
She's ill, and it's serious..
Today Chessy was acting strange. She wouldn't lie down and just sat for hours. She wouldn't come when I called for her and she was quivering. All day I've been worried, but I'm worried a lot and thought I should let it be for a while, and not make a big deal out of it.
I called the vet and they told me to take a cab to the hospital immediately. Chessy is now admitted and has to stay at the animal hospital for surgery to her uterus which is inflamed. They have to take it all out to save her life, but the surgery is dangerous because of her little nose and the bulldog's bad air-ways. She might not make it and there is nothing I can do for her right now.
I'll get the call tomorrow and until then I have to try to be calm and hope that Chessy will be strong and live through this. Being strong when your best little dog friend is dying is not easy however, and I'm writing to keep my mind occupied. I've had this wonderful dog for a few short months and she is so precious to me. In this little time she had changed so much for me, made me happier, more open, more secure and she keeps me company through happy and sad moments. Now I'm all alone and I just wish I could be with her now. My sweet sweet little Chessy..
Joao Ruas - Souvlaki has been a huge source of inspiration for me for a long time. His art continues to amaze me with it's soft haunting atmosphere and special symbolism. The way he captures flowing hair and soft facial features can keep me staring for ages.
I first noticed this artist through my husband who knows so many cool artists it's incredible he can keep them all in his head. Since about two years ago I think I've been following Ruas work on his blog and It just does it for me every time. His illustrations are definitely up amongst my very favorites in this whole little world..
My little Fawn-painting was featured on the Handmade Gift Guide! I was suggested by HelloHeath, thank you sweetie! This made me super happy!
I got a very nice reception on my watercolor picture from yesterday in my Deviant-Art gallery for which I'm really happy too, and I'm seriously considering spending some time to make more in the same style and experiment more with this technique, it was fun!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Outflight is my direct translation of the swedish word utflykt which means to go out on a little trip, a small adventure or maybe a picnic? I thought it fit this piece.
I painted it this morning, it's made with watercolor and acrylics. I loved to work on it, it's so easy in a way, soothing for my little soul to dip the brush into the water and let the green dress flow in the wind with my strokes. I want to make more watercolor/acrylics paintings. The combo was nice. The paper is rather thin though, colored with coffee and tea for the base. It wrinkles very easily with the water on it, but I like that effect too. Everything that adds more texture is good in my opinion. I hope you like it!
It feels like it's been a while since I did a little lomography-collection, so here is one! More dreams of spring and summer. I'm going to take my dog out for such nice long walks and bring my camera along since my fingers won't be freezing!
This morning was sunny with sparkles in the blue snow though and I can't deny it's one of the most beautiful things to look at, a crystal cold winter morning..
I know I'm going on and on about seasons right now, but it's just because they affect my mood so much! Here in scandinavia the sun doesn't stay up for very long in the winter and that causes sleepiness and gloom. However, my presentation at school yesterday for my Tithe-project went very well and now I'm free of stress for the rest of the week! Yay! Maybe some art will get done?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I want your leaves to return now! Please?
The streets are so icy I slide around crazily to try to regain my balance and my dog wants to sniff all the snow piles since as they melt, new smells surface. I've had enough! I want my spring to arrive fast now. Really fast.
A few days ago the sun was out and the snow was melting and I didn't even have to pull the zipper up on my jacket because it felt so warm! That entire day I was so happy and energized, feeling like spring had finally arrived and now I could accomplish anything! Spring does that to me sometimes. But it's still winter for a while, so I'll just keep pleading to the trees to become green again while waiting.
Monday, January 10, 2011
You've seen the final picture in it's whole, but I got some requests for details since the resolution of the picture wasn't very high. My presentation for this school-project is on wednesday and after that I'm all finished with this section of school. I only have one thing left then, my final thesis work to get my exam in media and estetics.
After this week things will calm down a bit for me I think, and I have plans to remake my work-space a little. It's so chaotic now and I can't work properly anymore. I need storage! I like making my workspace nice though. Maybe I'll do that on friday or so. I want to make it really pretty and inspirational so I can sit there and write, paint and sew! If I manage to do this task, I shall post photos for you!
Posted by enmi at 5:19 PM