Tuesday, July 24, 2012

About conflicts

First of all, this picture is me last winter, realizing in the elevator to my office that I'm about to be in the same room as a very prominent swedish politician that I really don't agree with. I'm about to be there with security guards, looking like some sort of colourful terrorist. It was kind of a funny thought so I snapped a picture of myself where I exaggerated it.

I've always been terrified of conflict. I never want to make anyone upset or angry, and this means that I've often hidden away the fact that I can get angry myself. The times of my life where I've gotten really angry I've either hidden it, or gone all out to express it. Either way ends up with me telling myself to calm down and not be so sensitive. Well fuck that!

It's permitted to be angry, and to express your views of the world and what goes on around you as long as you don't hurt anyone else. Upsetting and hurting is not the same thing. To try to keep this balance is very tricky sometimes, but thinking twice before you speak usually helps.

Whenever I write a blog entry that is slightly political or very personal about my views and opinions, I get nervous. I don't want to make anyone upset. I'm trying to get rid of that feeling of guilt, because some of these things really need to get out of my system. I usually think about 8 times before I even dare to speak up.

Lately I've been reading a whole lot about different things that make me upset. It's horrible and nice at the same time. It's good to stay updated on society and the things you care about, but sometimes the overwhelming feeling that the world is a horrible place filled with idiots gets the better of me. It makes me think that maybe I should just go back to focusing on pretty art and not care about the problems of the world. It just upsets me anyway, but no. I can do both at the same time, and I'll allow myself to both be angry, upset and calmly happy. Picking my battles and always having a backup plan with dreamy happy thoughts of silly animals and creative, wonderful people in case I get overwhelmed by the pure stupidity and uncaring attitude that is out there on the internet and the real world.

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