Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Stability is my middle name...

NOT! I've been spending my day at the office cycling between hyperfocused painting, listening to speedy music and then jumping around, posing and dancing while talking without pause. Such a moment was captured on camera and then I just went ahead and used my pro photoshop skills to make it a bit more awesome.

Okay, so I'm not completely out of my mind. I realize I'm in some sort of crazy hypomanic rush. As long as my co-workers don't mind and nobody gets hurt I guess that's alright. Spending months and months if not years in the exact opposite mood I just feel that this change is for the better. Remembering to breathe and stay calm is good. If I can just manage to survive this rapid pace of my brain I'll be able to enjoy it as long as it continues. I don't miss the gloomy, exhausted version of me at all. I guess I'm just that sort of person who feels the extremes of everything. Extremely energetic and happy is exactly what I need right now. Just... breathe!


  1. I so wish I was able to feel like that. I'm happy for you. I say this as a 24-year-old who's been crippled by major depression for the last nine years without any better periods.

    1. I can relate to that fully :/ That is probably the reason why I'm so over-the-top happy right now. I haven't felt genuinely happy for as long as I can remember. At least not for longer than about 15 minutes at a time, once every third month or so :P

      Have you had any help with medication and such? I had an antidepressant that did nothing for me at all and gave up on the thought, but recently I got a new kind along with a mood-stabilizer for my bipolarity. It seems like it really helped for me.

    2. I would certainly make the most of it if it happened to me. :) Yeah, I've been prescribed a number of different useless meds over the years. At the moment I'm trying a new kind of combination, but so far it hasn't had the desired effect. At least I'm now getting proper treatment for the first time ever. Getting the treatment was a huge hassle, I managed to go through with the process only after I'd gotten reallyreally desperate and scared that I'm never going to get better. Here's hoping that we finally find something that works, 'cause I'm totally tired of having a broken brain. Neurotransmitters are fucking assholes.

    3. Indeed they are! Mine seems to have gotten their act together now thanks to a wide variety of meds :P Annoying thing is that they take such a long time to have effect, a month or more for SSRI-pills. Is it a unipolar depression you have or are you bipolar like me? I thought I was just normally depressed and got treated for that. After my bipolar type 2 diagnosis I got a different set of medication that works wonders.

  2. Unipolar. The current diagnosis is just "severe depression without psychotic episodes", but there are some important qualities which suggest that something more is going on. We're still trying to figure it out. More specialists to see and all that. But hey, I don't want to bring you down with details of my torment. Your neurotransmitters might get funny ideas :P You enjoy yourself now that you're able to.

    I love your work, by the way. I stumbled upon your deviantArt page while I was hunting for art and got curious. That's how I got here.