Sunday, March 17, 2013

Fine little shrines


Sometimes when I get home (ok, every time I get home) I throw all my shit onto the floor and throw myself onto the bed to just spend the entire evening painting or relaxing. It's really my favorite way to spend my evenings but in the end there is a whole lot of shit on the floor and I'm not joking. I decided I wanted to decorate my home a bit and realized how crazy messy it was. Absolutely terrifyingly disgusting I'll have you know. Well, I cleaned it up today in one room at least. The room I spend most time in. I still have some decorating left to do before I want to show the entire thing but there is this one special corner right over my bed that I want to share.

I have a tendency (as I think most people do) to sometimes fall into that hopeless feeling of loneliness. That kind when you sort of forget everything except how lonely you feel and you start to cry because you think nobody understands you or even cares that much about you. No matter how irrational that feeling is, it does have a very scary presence once it jumps into your head. I got this feeling last friday when I came home and started thinking about how most people probably had something really fun and special to do with friends and loved ones on that particular friday night when I had to be alone. After spending about ten minutes in complete darkness on my floor, still with shoes on because I was too sad to bother taking them off, I just shook my head and started to gather some courage. Walking around my messy home I picked up old photos, little decorative objects, letters and postcards from friends and family. Heirlooms that carry so much meaning to me because I have such fond memories of them. Such as the matryoshka dolls I got from my grandmother. I know all of her grandchildren have played with them and I can't look at them without thinking back on how me and my little sister used to paint in her kitchen or sit on her couch to eat candy or lie in bed, arguing over who had the most popcorn left in their bowl.

There is also the little pink bicycle my other grandmother gave me. She and her mother (my great grandmother) have the same habit as me of collecting all sorts of pretty things that make us happy. That bicycle was just one out of a whole bunch of things I used to carefully play with as a kid. Putting all these things up on my wall sort of felt like building small shrines dedicated to all the wonderful people I know to remember that I'm not alone at all. Other things included in these shrines are the Adventure Time characters I got in the mail from a girl named Bonni that I met online and became friends with instantly. I also have a letter from Elysia written on cardboard (which isn't in the photos since it's a personal letter) I have postcards with paintings by Waterhouse given to me from my friend Maria. Gabriella is present on several photos as well as her cats. That cute little resting doe figurine is something she gave me too since she knows I collect them. I have so many other items I want to include here. A special memorial object from my time at the hospital that fellow lunatic Lihnda stole in order to give to me. Another little fawn figure I got in a chocolate egg from Jessica, also while at the hospital. I have a photo of me and my mother at her wedding day, both dressed in crazy fluffy dresses typical of the early 90's.


 I could go on and on about these things and all the memories and meanings but I wouldn't be able to stop. The important thing is that whenever I do start feeling lonely or sad again I can just turn my head up a bit from my bed to look up and find comfort in my fine little friendship shrines. Everyone should take some time to build such memory shrines at some point. It's very soothing and fills you with warm fuzzy happy feels, sort of like drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows in it.

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