Saturday, March 9, 2013

the darker things

Lately I've been pouring all sorts of emotions, thoughts and memories into my artwork and also photography. The darker themes lay close to my heart and it helps me a lot to cope with certain things to just make imagery out of these things rather than letting them gather dust in my mind.

I worry though because I've never really been this open or fearless with what I share with the world. I worry because I might upset family and friends that might think all of this means I'm turning back into the sad and scared person I used to be. I want to assure you that's not the case. Yes, I do feel horribly sad sometimes and I still get anxiety attacks now and then but I'm solving it all. I'm much much stronger as a person now and the darker art I'm creating is a perfect way for me to express what I've been though or what my mind can look like on the inside during those bad times.

 Today me and my amazingly sweet friend Julia did a spontaneous photo session where the pictures turned out really explicit and revealing compared to other photo sessions where I've played around as an amateur model. Julia is an amazing photographer and I love to go into the mindset of what the photos should convey emotionally. I don't look at these photos as portraits of myself but rather me using my own body to create artwork depicting a character or a situation that has nothing to do with my person. It's all acting and creative expression so I'd hate to worry people or have family, friends and strangers look at them as if it's some kind of true depiction of me. It's really not. I'm having so much fun playing around with this kind of creativity and while creating darker art I might step into that dark mood  temporarily but afterwards I always feel much better and the process helps me a lot.
I've also considered plenty of times wether it's wise or not to publish images of myself looking like this. They are public and can be seen by anyone. Now, my view on this is that it doesn't matter at all. It's me and my body in the images, yes, but I haven't come up with any reasonable argument as to why I shouldn't share certain types of images. The only thing that scares me is that I might scare people who care about me. I appreciate your care and concern but by writing this I want to assure you that I'm ok and that I am very aware of what I'm doing. I feel no shame and I have no regrets. I'm doing what I want to do for my own well being so even if the things I create in art might be imagery filled with pain, anxiety and difficult subject matters you should know that the fact that I create and share anything at all means that I am well. I am happy.


  1. Love your work and the photos look really great! Julia's a great photographer too! I try and do the same with my work, and I think that it helps. So it's really good to see you using your work as a way of dealing with bad thoughts/memories. :)