Sunday, March 3, 2013

the self.

My handsome BFF 5-ever introduced me to Ayn Rand. Russian philosophy badass who wrote a bunch of interesting stories as well as plenty of non-fiction that I can't wait to devour. Seriously, I had already started my own transformation before I started reading but the things she writes really explode in my mind like some amazing revolution. I'll post some quotes to show you what I mean.

-"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others."

-"Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values."

-"Love is the expression of one's values, the greatest reward you can earn for the moral qualities you have achieved in your character and person, the emotional price paid by one man for the joy he receives from the virtues of another."

-"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me."

-"To say "I love you" one must first be able to say the "I."

-"The hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody had decided not to see."

I've come to understand a whole bunch of idiots (right-wing-christian-fanatics) regard Ayn Rand like some capitalism godess that justifies their ways, but who gives a fuck. To me her texts are not political in any way. They simply attempt to show people that they are the rulers of their own lives no matter what government and society tries to tell them. That is not political to me, it is highly personal since it's all about the self of the individual. Your own identity which is your own property. You decide what to do with it, how to shape it and how to enjoy it, because that is what it's all about. Why wait for something good to happen, why bother if the world is shit and doom is upon you? If you can imagine your own life and your world you can also make it happen. Rule your world like a king, not by ruling over others but your environment, your identity and your dreams.

As for me, I've decided to make all my dreams come true and it's not really that difficult. You might think it would be, I thought so too. For this summer I've written down so many cute little plans. The size of the dreams don't matter at all. I want to have picnics with friends. Put up tents with colourful lanterns, blankets and pillows. I want to dance in a sunset to amazing music and take a bunch of pictures. Sit under trees with a sketchbook and drink iced chaï latte. I'll hug my friends and get hugs back. I'll save money to travel wherever I want in the moment. Be spontaneous, crazy and never apologize or try to justify my own wishes. If people don't understand, what does that matter? I understand my own dreams and that is all that matters.

The quotes about love hit me right in the heart. Realizing that I've never loved myself I've probably never been able to fully love anyone else either. I thought that was bullshit when people used to tell me to love myself first but now I understand that it's the basic root of happiness. I love myself and indulge in my own dreams and my own satisfaction which means I'm able to spread that happiness, all that love and energy and the friends and loved ones I have around me means o much more to me now. They mean more because I know I don't depend on them. It sounds really harsh to say "I don't need them" but that only means that I've got enough self-love to know I'd survive as the last person on earth if I had to. If I'm rejected or abandoned by someone I care about it will make me incredibly sad but it won't ruin me. I'll always have myself as the base of my own life which is exactly how it should be. If I lose the fear of losing others I'll feel much more comfortable around them. I treasure each moment with them and I love all the little things I gain from friends and family. I treasure them for real in all ways possible. Being selfish isn't an ugly thing. It does not mean you don't care for others. It does not mean you step on others or do everything for personal gain. It means you care for yourself, protect your heart and when you want to give and love, you do so with a genuine sense of care. You're never obligated to do anything for others so when you chose to do it you will know and THEY will know that you do it because you truly love them and care for them. Think about that for a bit. It's a beautiful thing.


  1. The message you manage to get out of her texts are truly beautiful, but I personally can't stand this woman, no matter how many positive quotes people can cram out of her.
    I guess it's rather personal though, me having a brother who's a very "aggressive" objectivist and libertarian who's a massive worshipper of Ayn Rand. And I really can't stand that kind of political ideology or that kind of philosophy. I don't think it's a bad thing to be selfish, or to care for and love yourself, I'm all for that, but to completely overlook and disregard the wellbeing of others and only care about yourself and those closest to you, well, I can't really stand that sort of ignorance, and that's exactly what objectivism is all about >_>
    The things I've read about her while trying to understand my brother, and the videos I've seen with her, have mostly made me want to strangle myself, but if you can get something positive out of her, I'm not one to complain! Self love is really important, and everyone deserves to love themselves.
    I wish you all the best, and hope that you'll keep growing and will stay this positive <3

    (Sorry for the comment rollercoaster, I just have very strong and conflicting feelings on the subject and I'm not very good at presenting them)

  2. Haha, no worries man!
    I can understand your hate when you put it like that, but the way I see it this has nothing to do with disregarding the wellbeing of others. It doesn't have anything to do with other people at all except yourself. That's exactly what it is about, don't depend on others and don't step on others. Go your own way and make that way amazing. If you have people you care about, make sure they do the same. They shouldn't follow your way, they should follow their own.

    I'm not an objectivist. I don't swear myself to any kind of -ism because I truly hate being bundled together with large groups of people that try to share the exact same viewpoints.

    I use Ayn Rands philosophy to make sure I am a person I love to be. I love to make others happy by being happy myself. By having this kind of look on life I actually think you become more able to care for others.

    Then of course, there are plenty of reeeeeally creepy awful people who twist and turn her ideology to justify their own disgusting politics. Well, fuck 'em. I'm unicorn!

  3. Words of wisdome! Well written :D

  4. YES. I had avoided Rand because of her right-wing constituents (though I do personally like capitalism) but your interpretation of her philosophy makes complete sense. Maybe I'll read some of her books.

    Saying "I don't need you" to someone you care about is actually a compliment, the way you explain it, because you're saying "I don't require you to live, but I choose to be with you anyway."

    Since I've been a lurker for a while - thank you for writing so honestly about everything that you go through. I wish you all the best.

    (Also your art is completely beautiful. <3)

    1. Wow, you made me realize even more about what I wrote myself! XD
      The thing is that I'm going through this phase where I really have to learn how to rely on myself before trying to rely on others again. It's difficult to do but I think the best kinds of relationships are those where you don't say: "I love you" but rather "I love us" because a relationship includes two people with two minds and if they love themselves truly they can also love each other without fear. Easy in text, difficult in real life, but it can be done... I hope :3

      Also, when I found out about how people see Ayn Rands texts I flipped out and got all confused. People read in stuff in her philosophy that is so far away from what I think that I couldn't believe I'd appreciate the same books as crazy wannabe dictators who just want to step on others in order to reach success. To me that goes against Ayn Rand completely. Put yourself first but never put anyone else underneath you. We are all unique equals and should treat each other and ourselves with love and respect. ^__^ Being selfish without being a jerk if you wanna put it simply.

  5. I think you just made me want to read Ayn Rand and explore further :)