Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Mixtapes and Symbolism

I realized something today. Well, I think I've known for quite some time but it became really clear while trying to explain how my mind works to my friend. I overthink. This is common. But mix this with the mind of an artist who loves to analyze psychology, philosophy, symbolism and metaphors in music, images and poetry. I can see symbolism everywhere and I love to think about it. Twist and turn things in my head to make things fit like some sort of beautiful puzzle.

I don't expect people to be able to follow my trails of thoughts but I probably expect people to be able to see things the way I do. Of course they don't. Most people don't think like that at all and even if they do they might not see the things I see. They think and feel differently which is just the way things work.

When I go through things in life. Emotional turmoil, extreme happiness, curiosity, sadness or anger, I have a need to express this somehow. I try to explain things to myself to get some sort of order amongst my disorganized thoughts and ideas. I think I've always been like this but it's not until recently I've really started to become aware of it and how I can use it in artwork. More importantly though, I learn little by little how I work and how others work. Maybe this means I can avoid misunderstandings, confusion and sadness in the future? I hope so. I'll still make cryptic and symbolic art. Write strange poems that probably don't make sense to most people. It's my way of coping with things that I find difficult to handle otherwise. I love to share what I think and feel but not because I need others to understand. I do it to make myself understand and then if I'm able to convey what I feel that is a very sweet bonus.

Sometimes I feel like I'm way crazier than I thought I was but I don't think I'm really crazy (except for obvious mental illness) I'm simply an artist. Yes, the kind of artist that likes to sit by herself with her deep thoughts and create things that hold great meaning to her and to others it might just be another pretty picture. I laugh at this myself sometimes since it's such a storybook example of what an artist is like. Well, I guess that's just me. I've accepted that and I'm slowly accepting that most people probably won't be able to read my mind even when I really want them to. I'll try to be more clear in the future. But I'll never stop being cryptic either! Let me give you an example...

american pancake mix tape. made it for me. gave it to you. to understand us. others can find it if they can read the signs. enter the code. find the hidden feels.

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